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Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/20/2006 3:33:22 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2524
Joined: 12/5/2005
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On a trip together, a Hindu, a rabbi and a lawyer stop at a farmhouse and ask to stay the night. There's space for two, but one will have to sleep in the barn.
"I'll go," the Hindu volunteers. A few minutes later, the lawyer and the rabbi hear a knock.
"There's a cow in the barn," the Hindu says. "A cow is sacred, and I cannot sleep with a sacred beast."
"No problem, I can do it," the rabbi says, grabbing his pillow. But minutes later, the rabbi knocks.
"There's a pig in the barn. It's an unclean animal- my belief forbids me to be near such a creature,"
With a tired sigh, the lawyer heads out. Almost immediately, there's a third knock at the door. It's the cow and the pig.
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I'm a little surprised the author of the book pictured in my avatar hasn't had someone contact me to remove it... but then, my purpose in posting it is to solve a crime. Or maybe he wonders who I even am...
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/20/2006 7:02:54 PM
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spunky-gal
Posts: 894
Joined: 4/11/2005
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"Tell me something," said Mike to his less-than-sharp friend, Bob. "How many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach?"
Bob scratched his head and said, "Well, five, I think."
"Wrong," said Mike. "You can only eat just one. After that, your stomach isn't empty any more! Gotcha!"
Bob was impressed, so he decided to pull the joke on his wife, Judy, when he got home.
"Hey, Honey, how many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach?"
Judy thought for a minute or two and said, "Six."
Bob was dejected. "Darn! If you'd said 'five' I had a GREAT joke for you!"
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/21/2006 10:01:56 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8038
Joined: 9/5/2006
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Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?
She ran away from the ball.
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A Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, good friends already met a Rabbi met at a conference and they all became good friends One day they decided to go fishing so they went down to the lake and got in the Misisters boat and set out ont othe water. The water seems to be very murky but they anchor and get their lines in teh water anyway. While anchored about 50 feet from shore in 20 feet of water, right over a sizable school of bluegill, the priest's pager went off.
"oh my. I've got to handle this right now" So he gets out of the boat, walks across the surface of the water, gets in his car and drives off. The Rabbi's wondering what's going on but since the minister didn't pay it any attention he figured he'd just keep fishing. Besides they were cathing a lot of fish. The priest gets back about 10 minutes later, walks back across the water and gets back in the boat.
Another twenty minutes or so later the minister's pager goes off. "Excuse me guys. I'll be right back" and he gets out of the boat, walks across the water to the phone up at the bait shack and comes back ten minutes later. The priest doesn't bat an eye so the rabbi doesn't say anything.
About an hour later the rabbi's pager goes off. So he gets out of the boat and sinks straight to the bottom. He swims back up, gets back in the boat and thinks to himself "they did it I can do it" and tries again. blub blub blub
While he's swimming back up the priest turns to the minister and says "I think we should show him where the stones are before he drowns himself"
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/21/2006 5:43:01 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 2247
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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^^  ^^
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him.
The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward them. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, for $100, on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.
The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, took some money from his purse, and gladly pressed it into the young man's hand.
She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly and meaningfully said, "Clean my house."
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I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
Linus, my dog, little Kaleigh and Sally!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/22/2006 11:50:02 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8038
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A leading Doctor released a study proving that optimist live longer.
A leading pessimist responded, "I knew it."
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/22/2006 2:21:57 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8038
Joined: 9/5/2006
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I'd also reccommend the thread killer thread. start from the beginning if you like puns.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/22/2006 2:27:33 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8038
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break"? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him another bad name." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08."
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/22/2006 10:49:22 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 2247
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!"
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
Linus, my dog, little Kaleigh and Sally!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/22/2006 10:59:01 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 2247
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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I know ... I just posted here ... but I'm almost a senior member ... and was hoping I could get the same benefits that senior citizens get once I reach that status! (Like discounts to the movies!)
Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?"
Student: "Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything."
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
Linus, my dog, little Kaleigh and Sally!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/22/2006 11:35:53 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8038
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward Heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life, and I will give up tequila, too."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said, "Never mind, Lord. I found one."
(funny but oh so true. Sometimes we refuse to see the hand of God in the good things that come our way)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/23/2006 8:20:01 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2524
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
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Snow White bought a new camera. She happily took pictures of the dwarfts and the forest, and dropped off her first roll of film to be developed. A few days later, she went to pick up the finished photos.
"I'm sorry," the clerk told her. "They aren't ready yet."
Disappointed, Snow White started to cry.
"Don't worry." The clerk said. "Someday your prints will come."
_____________________________
I'm a little surprised the author of the book pictured in my avatar hasn't had someone contact me to remove it... but then, my purpose in posting it is to solve a crime. Or maybe he wonders who I even am...
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/23/2006 10:29:46 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 2247
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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The story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children's Sunday School class. Following the story, the children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate the story.
Little Bobby was most interested and drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat, behind the wheel was a man and in the back seat, a man and a woman.
The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson of Adam and Eve.
But little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. "Why, this is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!"
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
Linus, my dog, little Kaleigh and Sally!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/23/2006 10:52:29 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8038
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
"Don't worry." The clerk said. "Someday your prints will come."
BRAVO!! Bravo!! I love a good pun
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/23/2006 11:54:07 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2524
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
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Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams. One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door.
"Sure," his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But your getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350," the man countered.
"Sorry," she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
_____________________________
I'm a little surprised the author of the book pictured in my avatar hasn't had someone contact me to remove it... but then, my purpose in posting it is to solve a crime. Or maybe he wonders who I even am...
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 9/23/2006 11:54:54 PM
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FunBetty
Posts: 7542
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Dr Pepper Country
Status: offline
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I used to work in an orange juice factory. Then I got canned. I couldn't concentrate. My boss threatened the beat the pulp out of me. They really put the squeeze on me.
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Fun Betty's Therapy Centre and Cheesecake and Cookie Shoppe
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... I will be praying for the release of the pun-virus. 