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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 12:30:18 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3408
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
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Yeah. Even with the picture of the little girl right there. But then I am horridly easily influenced by avatars.
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 12:50:09 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2082
Status: offline
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quote:
The thread title is a factual title.
While true, it is also a title that might send running the very people who need to be engaged in this kind of dialogue. Although a woman, I err on the side of bluntness and 'cutting to the chase' when speaking and know that sometimes it is MY choice of words (or the attitude that is conveyed) that ends what could have been an opportunity for dialogue.
So again, I want to look at myself and evaluate what I am doing and how I can be more thoughtful, careful and always more loving. No, I am not into enablement. No, I don't want to condone walking on eggshells. But I do want to be found walking in love. . . always. Jesus did and that is Who I am following.
And BTW, I thought Crankius was a guy too. . .  So don't feel bad, Covaan. If I went by the avatar, I'd have thought her a mountain.
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 12:58:58 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1755
Joined: 4/8/2005
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Steven Covey's 7 habits of Highly Effective People deals with this topic. As I said in my previous post, when we get offended and lose control of our emotions, we give control of our emotions to others. One of the habits is seek first to understand, then be understood. Seems to me that those who are easily offended are all too often the least willing to understand with a great desire to be understood. Is there a reason God made us with two eyes, two ears and one mouth? The current cultural climate smacks of too many who want to be heard and too few who want to listen. It also seems that the book of James as well as Proverbs deals extensively with this.
Years ago I developed this philosophy. People aren't happy unless they have something to gripe about. Those who are easily offended should be some of the happiest people in the world as they have the most to complain about.
_____________________________
The two hardest things to handle: failure and success.
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 1:07:40 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 11755
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Here, now
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quote:
Years ago I developed this philosophy. People aren't happy unless they have something to gripe about. Those who are easily offended should be some of the happiest people in the world as they have the most to complain about.
ROFL! Too true!
_____________________________
Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 2:40:10 PM
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CherishedbyGod
Posts: 2269
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Liveloved
quote:
The thread title is a factual title.
While true, it is also a title that might send running the very people who need to be engaged in this kind of dialogue. Although a woman, I err on the side of bluntness and 'cutting to the chase' when speaking and know that sometimes it is MY choice of words (or the attitude that is conveyed) that ends what could have been an opportunity for dialogue.
So again, I want to look at myself and evaluate what I am doing and how I can be more thoughtful, careful and always more loving. No, I am not into enablement. No, I don't want to condone walking on eggshells. But I do want to be found walking in love. . . always. Jesus did and that is Who I am following.
Well, you are a jewel, and I just love you and you have a tender, loving heart just like my Jesus  Love should always prevail...always and we are responsible to become all things to all people as Paul did so that he might win some. Not send people fleeing in anger like this thread did to me. If we send people fleeing in anger we are not walking in love.
We are responsible to adjust ourselves to others not to expect them to adjust to us...Love protects, covers, hovers over and always maintains a soft, tender heart towards others...not a harsh and unkind one.....
And yes, Liveloved, you are very correct about the thread title......
_____________________________
~I would love for you to come and learn about Jesus of Nazareth with me in the Writer's Roundtable Folder~
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 3:11:30 PM
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Apaise
Posts: 124
Joined: 10/12/2007
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It's very interesting to me that in reading this thread, the two people I have seen brought up to support an erroneous view of what it means to offend are Paul and Jesus. The two who are, quite possibly, the most offensive men ever mentioned in the Bible.  In fact, you can't possibly believe that they did not intend to offend, either. Jesus was God in the flesh, I think He knew that calling the Pharisees hypocrites, whited sepulchres, snakes, etc., wasn't exactly going to make them happy.  And you want to talk about "fleeing in anger"? Paul caused riots everywhere he went. (Ephesus in particular springs to mind.) I don't think there's anything inherently sinful in causing offense to others, even intentionally.
In any case, THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS THREAD IS ABOUT. This thread is about how you deal with people who take offense when none was intended, especially over trivial matters.
To the OP (my answers in bold):
quote:
Is there a moral issue here? At what point does being "overly-sensitive" cross the lines of being manipulative for attention or simply "self-absorbed"? Or does it? How do you know when someone is just genuinely extra-sensitive to something because they are wounded or they are just looking for reasons to be offended or taking aggression out on you? I'm sure at some point it does cross the line, but I generally can't recognize it unless I have a relationship with the person in question.
How do you deal with folks/posters like this? Do you try to appease them? Just keep apologizing? Or push them away? Depends on who the person is, what my relationship with them is, and whether or not I believe they are truly wounded and not just seeking attention. In general, I try very hard to apologize once and move on. I am not a people person, and I don't have the emotional energy to deal with easily offended people for long periods of time. I burn out.
_____________________________
"God has paid us the intolerable compliment of loving us, in the deepest, most tragic, most inexorable sense."
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 3:43:55 PM
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GroupW
Posts: 2863
Joined: 11/16/2007
From: Up in the hills of Colorado (very BIG hills...)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Apaise
In general, I try very hard to apologize once and move on. I am not a people person, and I don't have the emotional energy to deal with easily offended people for long periods of time. I burn out.
I agree. By nature, I have an explosive temper with a short fuse. I also grew up as a really short scrawny kid. I learned early on that scrawny kids can't afford to have bad tempers.
As a result, I kind of invented my own 12 step program to deal with conflict (ok it's 7 steps, but let's not get picky). Since I have a bad temper, I need to go through this process in order to make sure I don't say something stupid. (It only works about half the time.)
1) Examine my behavior - can I honestly say I didn't do anything wrong.
2) Apologize - if you can't figure out what you did, figure out something something you can apologize for. It doesn't matter if the apology is owed or not. The important thing is that the other person feels offended.
3) Examine the other person's reaction - did they misunderstand what I said/did. If they misunderstood, try to clarify. What was it about what I said that triggered the response?
4) If they can't understand the clarification - try one more time saying it in a different way. Could it be some baggage present that I didn't know about? Account for the possible baggage in your explanation. It's not uncommon to step into a pile of doo that someone else deposited.
5) While clarifying, remember the old adage to say only as much as the other person is capable of hearing without shutting down. Better to get across 50% of the message than say 100% of it but have 0% of it actually get through.
5) Back away.
6) If they continue to pursue, RUN away.
7) If that doesn't work, run away faster. Repeat item #7 as often as necessary until successful ;)
Depending on the relationship, I might continue the conversation for longer. Obviously, with my wife, I hash it out until we've figured out all the issues and have come to peace. With a close friend, I'd do the same. If I get the sense though that I'm dealing with someone that for whatever reason is just going to insist on being offended, I cut it after about twice.
In the end it comes down to how much of an investment in someone else you're going to choose to make. You can't be fully invested in every person you meet - you have to budget your emotional energy and do some relationship triage.
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 3:53:47 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4406
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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Someone determined to be offended will be offended, no matter what you say or do.
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Who should be allowed to attend church?
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 3:58:12 PM
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crankius
Posts: 4505
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Step 9: Share a box of Junior Mints. It's hard to be offended when you're enjoying a Junior Mint.
They're the little mint! They're refreshing!
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 4:00:52 PM
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GroupW
Posts: 2863
Joined: 11/16/2007
From: Up in the hills of Colorado (very BIG hills...)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
Someone determined to be offended will be offended, no matter what you say or do.
That's why steps 5 and higher are there ;)
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 4:02:41 PM
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Qtman
Posts: 9446
Joined: 3/21/2006
From: Crimson Tide Country
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Seriously some people, IRL and on these threads also, wear their feelings on their sleeves. We have all seen them. They are just waiting for some one to knock those feelings off. And some times it only takes something as simple as dieagreeing with their opinion to do that. I never get up in the morning thining how many people can I offend today. I go out of my way to keep from offending anyone. But if I don't agree with them I don't agree with them. And stating that disagreement and the reasons why should not be offensive unless I attack their character in doing so.
For instance it is obvious CherishedbyGod and I don't agree on this thread. I am not the least offended because CherishedbyGod disagrees with me. May not agree with me on several other threads but, has never said anything ugly or personal to me about it. Surely CherishedbyGod is not offended simply because I disagree with his/her opinion.
I think most people on these threads are above that level. There are a few that do seem to look for opportunities to be offended. Those few are going to be offended no matter what the rest of us do. I tried to ignore one and that in and of itself was called offensive.
_____________________________
STRESS = The internal struggle created when the brain trys to over ride the heart's desire to tell off some jerk that really deserves to be told off.
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 4:04:41 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 11134
Joined: 9/19/2005
From: Washington State
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CherishedbyGod
quote:
ORIGINAL: Liveloved
quote:
The thread title is a factual title.
While true, it is also a title that might send running the very people who need to be engaged in this kind of dialogue. Although a woman, I err on the side of bluntness and 'cutting to the chase' when speaking and know that sometimes it is MY choice of words (or the attitude that is conveyed) that ends what could have been an opportunity for dialogue.
So again, I want to look at myself and evaluate what I am doing and how I can be more thoughtful, careful and always more loving. No, I am not into enablement. No, I don't want to condone walking on eggshells. But I do want to be found walking in love. . . always. Jesus did and that is Who I am following.
Well, you are a jewel, and I just love you and you have a tender, loving heart just like my Jesus Love should always prevail...always and we are responsible to become all things to all people as Paul did so that he might win some. Not send people fleeing in anger like this thread did to me. If we send people fleeing in anger we are not walking in love.
We are responsible to adjust ourselves to others not to expect them to adjust to us...Love protects, covers, hovers over and always maintains a soft, tender heart towards others...not a harsh and unkind one.....
And yes, Liveloved, you are very correct about the thread title......
I know you will be offended by this because I apparently am very offensive to you, but I say this in love:
You have spent this entire thread attacking me, my motives, my character, etc. based on a mistaken idea as to what this thread is about and yet you claim you are the victim?
Seriously? Wow.
As far as the title: The title is a description about what this thread is about - no more, no less. I hate vague thread titles because you don't get any idea what thread is about. I am not accusing anyone of anything. If you choose to be offended, that is your choice but your choice does not make it correct.
I could easily be offended by some of the wild accusations made against me and even now against other posters, but here's the rub: I don't get offended very easily because I don't tend to take things personally. I know my heart. God knows my heart. That's what I care about.
_____________________________
~Kristin~
Classified Ads: "Government employer looking for candidates. Criminal background required."
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 4:04:50 PM
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GroupW
Posts: 2863
Joined: 11/16/2007
From: Up in the hills of Colorado (very BIG hills...)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: crankius
Step 9: Share a box of Junior Mints. It's hard to be offended when you're enjoying a Junior Mint.
They're the little mint! They're refreshing!
Or the little pink peppermints. In the dutch community, grandparents always had the little pink peppermints in their pockets to give to fussy kids during church. I'd totally forgotten about it until we were looking for a new church after we moved to Denver. An older man walked up to my son and gave him a pink peppermint. We'd been extremely frustrated over the church search, so when that happened I just about cried. I think the fellow thought I was a total loon. 45 year old man sobbing over a pepto-bismol pink piece of candy that his son got.
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 4:07:01 PM
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crankius
Posts: 4505
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
I think the fellow thought I was a total loon. 45 year old man sobbing over a pepto-bismol pink piece of candy that his son got.
Oh I completely get this! On Sunday, another mom and I were watching her little girl run up to a very nice man at our church. He hugged her and talked with her, and then pulled out his box of mints.
The mom had tears in her eyes! For real!
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
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RE: The easily offended - 7/2/2008 4:10:58 PM
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GroupW
Posts: 2863
Joined: 11/16/2007
From: Up in the hills of Colorado (very BIG hills...)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: crankius
quote:
I think the fellow thought I was a total loon. 45 year old man sobbing over a pepto-bismol pink piece of candy that his son got.
Oh I completely get this! On Sunday, another mom and I were watching her little girl run up to a very nice man at our church. He hugged her and talked with her, and then pulled out his box of mints.
The mom had tears in her eyes! For real!
Funny how very small gestures can have huge impacts. That was the last church we looked at. We already liked the church, but that seemed to be the final stone set in place for me.
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RE: The easily offended - 
Hey mod in the Crosswalk sky--it's all SharMar's fault--really!